All You Need to Know

• What are the symptoms of grief?

  

  When someone close to you dies, it can be an extremely difficult time. You may feel a whole range of emotions, and this response is called grief.

  Grief is a process rather than an event. There is no right or wrong way for you to feel. It can affect you physically, mentally and socially.

  The mixture of emotions you feel may include:

  • Shock
  • Panic
  • Sadness or depression
  • Confusion
  • Anger
  • Fear or anxiety
  • Guilt
  • Relief
  • Numbness (feeling nothing)
  • Worried for other people
  • Lonely
  • Like you've lost control.

  These sometimes show up in physical symptoms, like:

  • Crying, sometimes when you least expect
  • Aches, pains and headaches
  • Loss of appetite
  • Fatigue (lack of energy)
  • Difficulty sleeping.

• How can I cope with grief?

  It's important to remember that feeling scared, upset or worried is normal when someone dies. It's also okay if you don't feel this way. There is no right way to feel. You could try:

  • Talking to someone. You might feel worried about upsetting others if they are grieving too. Sharing how you feel can help you support each other.  
  • Asking questions. It's natural to feel confused and have questions when someone dies. By asking questions it can help you feel more in control. 
  • Staying healthy. Looking after yourself will help your body and mind to process what has happened. Eating well, resting and doing some exercise can all help you take care of yourself. 
  • Spend time with people who are important to you, like family and friends. Pets can also be a source of comfort in difficult times.
  • Sharing memories of the person that has died.

• How can I get support for grief?

  If you start to feel that your grief is becoming difficult to cope or you are experiencing any of these, then make an appointment to see your doctor to see how they can help.

  • Ongoing sleeping or eating problems
  • Skipping school or not going to work
  • Not keeping clean
  • Thoughts about suicide
  • Increased use of drugs or drinking alcohol
  • Unmanageable feelings of anger.

  If you need immediate support, you can call helplines such as:

  • Cruse Bereavement Support on 0808 808 1677
  • Grief Encounter on 0808 802 0111
  • Winstons's Wish on 08088 020 021.

• Who can I talk to about grief?

  It can be difficult knowing who to talk to if you are worried about upsetting someone who is also dealing with grief, but sharing your feelings can help you both.

  If you feel like talking, you might want to try:

  • Talking to someone you trust, such as a family member or close friend
  • Talking to a trusted adult, like a teacher or other professional
  • Contacting a charity helpline if you feel you'd like to speak to someone trusted who doesn't know you
  • Looking for other people who've experienced similar loss.

• How can I help my friend who has been bereaved?

  If someone close to one of your friends has died, it can be difficult to know what to say or do to help them. There are some small things you can do to be supportive:

  • Make contact. It's normal to worry or feel awkward about getting in touch, but your friend will feel better for knowing you are there.
  • Offer practical help. This means doing something for them, or just being with them. You could offer to go for a walk, watch a film, or take notes on things they've missed at school or work.
  • Listen and be there. Let your friend talk to you about their feelings, and if they aren't ready to talk, just remind them it's okay to feel sad and you'll be there for them when they are.
  • If you think your friend needs help and you don't know how to help them, talk to a trusted adult for advice.
  • Sharing good memories of the person who has died can be really helpful.

• How can I cope with grief during big events?

  Big occasions like birthdays, Christmas and Eid can be a painful time if a family member or close friend has died. It can bring up raw feelings and these can be difficult to manage.

  It's important to take care of yourself, and if things feel a bit much, to have a place you can go to for some space and time. This will be the same for your family or friends who might need a little space too.

  Before your social occasion, try creating a plan to fall back on if you don't feel up to it. You could:

  • Have a friend or family member you trust to check in with you during the day.
  • Plan some breaks during the day to have your own space to think
  • Find a quiet space you can go to if you need to
  • Think of a positive way to honour the memory of your loved one together, like lighting a candle or playing their favourite song. 

  Read Louisa's advice on dealing with loss at Christmas

• Losing someone to suicide

  Someone dying, no matter how it happens, can have an extreme effect on you. But when someone takes their own life, it can bring up lots of extra feelings. You might feel:

  • Worried about how others will react
  • Angry at the person who has died
  • Guilty about things you could have done differently
  • Confused about why they did it
  • Feel rejected or ignored
  • Feel relieved that someone's suffering is over. 

  If you are coping with the suicide of a friend or family member, consider these ways to help.

  • Talk to someone you trust. Try speaking to a family, friend or helpline to tell them how you feel.
  • Write things down. By keeping a journal or writing notes, it can help you arrange your thoughts and feel less confused.
  • Keep a memory box. Find a box and start to collect small reminders of the person who has died to try to remember them in a positive way. 

  Keeping a grief journal